----- Original Message -----
From: "Jeff Lanham" <jeff_lanham@...>
Newsgroups: alt.games.everquest
Sent: Wednesday, February 14, 2001 2:09 PM
Subject: Humor from the past

> This was posted quite awhile ago. I've cut-n-pasted it in it's entirety
so
> that the proper person gets the credit. This is great stuff and I thought
> I'd share it again with the group.
> ===============================================
> "Nathan Dunning" <nathand@...> wrote in message
news:<38a29e50.225666236@...>...
> For a long time, necromancers have had the reputation as the ultimate
> in evil professions. They consort with dark powers, torture the
> living, and enslave the dead. They even use strange vampiric powers
> to suck the life force right out of another person. The epitome of
> pure evil, right?
>
> Not so fast. When you look at the true picture, you see something
> vastly different. Necromancers aren't the true evil in this world -
> Enchanters are.
>
> Lets look at some examples of evil-doing by necromancers, and see the
> myriad of ways that enchanters outdo them.
>
> First, there's the pet thing. Necromancers, the grubby little
> bastards, will gleefully pull your dear old Uncle Fred out of the
> grave and turn him into their everlasting slave. But really, Uncle
> Fred wasn't busy right then, and might appreciate the chance to walk
> around a little and get some exercise.
>
> Meanwhile, the innocent enchanter in the corner charms you, and has
> you methodically slaughter the rest of the family. And the neighbors.
> And maybe even little Timmy down the street. And then, to put the
> evil little cherry on top, the enchanter will wait for the charm to
> drop, watch the horrified expression cross your face as you realize
> what you've done, and then kill you.
>
> Second, damage spells. Here the necromancer has a wide variety of
> ways to kill you. He can infect you with a disease, poison you, cause
> your blood to heat up, mess with your heart, and even turn you into a
> skeleton. None of these are a particularly pleasant way to die,
> certainly much worse than getting incinerated by a mage or frozen by a
> wizard.
>
> But the enchanter is no slouch in the agonizing death department,
> either. He's got two main attack forms. The first is to choke you to
> death, slowly and agonizingly (think Darth Vadar in the beginning of
> Star Wars). The second is to fire a bolt of pure energy into your
> target's brain, causing blinding spikes of pain to flare throughout
> the victim. And then, the enchanter waits for the pain to almost
> completely abate, and the poor victim to believe they're free of the
> torture, before he/she fires off another bolt of agonizing energy
> (think the Emperor at the end of Return of the Jedi).
>
> Third, the Vampirism issue. True, necromancers have a wide variety of
> spells that steal their victim's health or energy and give them to the
> caster. But this is counterbalanced by the wide variety of spells
> they have to give their very own vital health and energy to other
> people.
>
> Meanwhile the enchanter also has spells to drain others of energy.
> However, unlike the necromancer's eco-friendly spells, the enchanter
> carelessly disregards the energy he siphons. This uncontrolled energy
> release straight into the environment is clearly the cause of the
> environmental shifts seen recently in Norrath, particularly the
> rainfall in the deserts and the increased fog banks.
>
> Fourth, the "consorting with dark powers" accusation. This is a PR
> issue for necromancers. I mean, calling a spell dark pact has
> negative connotations while calling the same basic spell, say,
> cannibalize doesn't. Or calling a spell snare instead of clinging
> darkness. If the necromancers would pony up some of that hard earned
> loot for a good PR firm, this problem could be fixed in a heartbeat.
> Unfortunately, the average necromancer is too much of a loner to work
> well in a group fix this issue.
>
> Now we get to some of the real evil that enchanters do. It starts
> with the illusions. Who wants a grubby little high elf peasant scum
> to visit their home in the better parts of Neriak? Spying on them,
> chatting up their friends, and generally making a nuisance of
> themselves. Keeping the high elf riffraff out is, after all, what we
> pay the guards to do. But the illusions render our poor, underpaid
> guards incapable of doing their job and keeping the lower classes in
> their proper place.
>
> Last but certainly not least, is the most insidiously evil set of
> spells the enchanter has at his/her disposal. I refer, of course, to
> the mind-altering spells. These come in two basic forms, the "memory
> wipe" and the "attitude adjustment". The memory wipe will allow the
> enchanter to erase the memory of all of the pain and suffering they
> have caused you, usually so they can do it again at a later date.
> The attitude adjustment, actually a sophisticated form of
> brainwashing, will cause you to be aware of the enchanter's action,
> but to rationalize them away. (Little Timmy was rude. He deserved to
> be slaughtered.)
>
> Now you realize the true depths of the enchanter's evil. Of course,
> is doesn't really matter, as the Attitude Adjustment Team will be
> knocking on your door shortly, and you won't remember a word of this
> essay, except that enchanters are the best thing to ever happen to
> Norrath.
>
> Braediil, Dark Elf Enchanter of E'ci
>
>