Not related to EQ but recently see too much bloody scences. Guess it's time to relax abit ;)

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Recently, there have been a spate of mergers, DBS & POSBANK, Sembawang
& STIC, etc.

Rumours in the market have it that Lum Chang and Haw Par plan to merge - the
proposed new name for the company is, you have guessed it - Lum Par.
However, it is suspected that SES will object to this, since it would be
deemed not proper for lady brokers and remisiers to transact LP shares on
behalf of their male clients. Morever, Lum Par name seems very crude and it
means scrotum in Hokkien.

For e.g. The people : " How much is Lum Par now?", " I want to sell Lum Par at 60 cents."
The male broker : " How much do you want to buy Lum Par?"
The female broker : " Lum Par, 60 cents, sold!"
The newspaper : " Good management lifts Lum Par.", "Lum Par drops again.",
"Lum Par suspended.", "Plunging Lum Par needs Viagra", "Lum Par is being
squeezed out as market leader."
The employees : " We are Lum Par employees."
The interviewer : " Mr. Tan, you have written in your resume that your last
company was ...er... Lum Par. Did they treat you so badly that you have to
put in an abusive term for them?"

Share buyer was heard doing a transaction with his remisier over the
handphone inside the MRT train.
Buyer : " Hey, Mr . Tan buy for me Lum Par... Neng Liap (literally: buy for
me 2 lots of Lum Par shares)
Remisier: " I can't hear you properly. Please repeat your buy order louder."
Buyer (very loud): " Lum Par lah.... Neng Liap...OK?"
All the commuters : Stunned, especially the ladies.

______________________
A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The
tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman then
responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."

Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the
same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now
type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."

Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."

Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."

Customer: "What do you mean?"

Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."

Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

Overheard in a computer shop:

Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please." Salesperson: "Certainly sir,
we've got a large variety." Customer: "But will they be compatible with
my computer?"

I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back
to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.

Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"

I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that start something like this:

Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"

Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to
"The Internet."

Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?" Tech Support: "Yeah."

Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?" Tech
Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."

Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon."
Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows -- because of the icons -- I'm
a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons." Tech Support: "Well, that's
just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to--"

Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons."

Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a
file cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?"

Customer: [click]

Customer: "My computer crashed!"

Tech Support: "It crashed?"

Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game." Tech Support: "All
right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot." Customer: "No, it didn't crash
-- it crashed." Tech Support: "Huh?"

Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my
spaceship and now it doesn't work."

Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'" Customer: [pause]
"Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"

____________________________
Here's what happened when you date ...

Caucasian women
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out
Third date: You get to have sex in the missionary position
Then you promise to marry her but will probably abandon the idea.

Japanese women
First date: She's shy, so you don't get to kiss her at all
Second date: She'll take a bath in front of you and let you smell her panties
Third date: You get to have kinky sex with her. Then she will bid you sayonara
as that was her fling before getting married to a Japanese man

Malay women
First date: You get to touch that big breast of hers
Second date: You get to home base with her
Third date: You have to promise her that you are gonna get circumcised.
Then you will marry her and find out that you have to support her whole family.
The only consolation is that you get to repeat the procedure
three other times as allowed under Muslim law.

Chinese women
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happened
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive but nothing happened too
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you have already
realised nothing is going to happen.