ROFLMAO!!
Victoria Wickham wrote:
> This has been making the rounds of the EQ message boards and I wanted
> to share :)Nymue To: the citizens of Norrath, primarly those of
> Kelethin
> Fr: Guard Fireblight, stationed at the PoD lift
>
> Dear Citizens,
>
> I am writing this letter in behalf of my fellow guards here in
> Kelethin. We've refrained from voicing our concerns and opinions long
> enough. Here are a list of demands that must be met, or else we whom
> are affiliated under the Emerald Warriors will refuse to save your
> retarded young ones from yard trash trains and your [censored]
> children from falling off of the lifts of Kelethin.
>
> - If you are young enough to be a casualty of war between the elves
> and the Kelethin yard trash, DO NOT attack the bat that's surrounded
> by its sisters, brothers, uncles, aunts, mother and father, and expect
> me to take action. Kelethin is better off without you, and your lack
> of contribution to the Fier`Dal bloodline will only strengthen us.
>
> - What the hell do you think I'm going to do with your fishing grubs
> and cloth loot? The bloody merchant is up the lift. Hell, give it to
> the Priest of Discord. We sure as hell don't have need of any of your
> junk.
>
> - This one irks us the most. When you train the entire orc encampment
> to the "orc lift," and die because the guard stationed there did not
> kill off the twelve orcs quickly enough, DO NOT yell trash about the
> guards being "broken" or "stupid." Between you and me (yes, you right
> there, the newbie to the left), the one who trained the orcs to the
> guards wasn't me. I'd seriously reconsider calling someone else
> "stupid" and "broken." There is only two of us, and as "uber" and
> "leet" we might be in comparison to you, sixteen orcs take at least
> five seconds to fend off, even with my "leet" skills. Unfortunately
> for your pathetic rear, you don't have five seconds worth of hit
> points to make it to the end.
>
> - As much as watching you newbies cry like babies as you crawl towards
> me may be entertaining (in a slightly sadistic way, I'll admit), don't
> wail about how the "worthless" guard didn't save you because you
> didn't make it to me in time. You were the one who wanted to take on
> big mama bee and her three children alone, not me.
>
> - Now, I shall answer a question that has astounded the masses since
> the beginning of time. Why don't the guards save you when you fight
> pixies or faeries? I'll tell you why. The sight of a young warrior
> getting his ass handed to him by a blue pixie with cute little wings
> (who's less than 1/4 his size, mind you) is one we guards derive
> massive amounts of entertainment from. Even funnier is the picturesque
> image of the hapless elf's curled up body lying on the ground with a
> pint-sized pixie hovering over his corpse, gloating in victory. Don't
> look at me so surprised when you're dying to a faerie next to me and
> give me the sad puppy dog face, wondering why I'm not helping you. It
> gives me something to talk about with my comrades after the day is
> over.
>
> - Let me tell you this before I get another crazy moron who tries to
> piss off the Priest of Discord right in front of me. I own the PoD.
> Sure, it's fun to kick that fugly hummie's ass from time to time, but
> don't come back and yell and carp that the "****ing useless" guard
> didn't help you. I may own the PoD, but the PoD sure as hell owns you.
> That's just the natural order of things. It's him, me, and you lying
> beside us in that cute fetal position. Provoke the damn PoD at your
> own @#%$ risk.
>
> - You older and more experienced ones out there, listen to this one.
> Don't remain in a stationary position in the middle of a collection of
> newbies at Kelethin then gripe about them inspecting you. They're like
> flies, and your "uber" equipment is like honey. Come back to the city,
> do the banking and restocking you need to do, and get out. Go back to
> Velious or wherever it is you live now. Make yourselves useful and
> stop provoking the damn newbies. Find another way to satisfy your damn
> egos.
>
> - On the flip side, you greedy newbies need to stop harrassing the
> residents of higher level whenever they pop up naked beside you,
> begging for "ph@t l3wts" and the like. It bothers me when I see a
> seasoned warrior run like a pansy because some newbie is chasing him
> for a donation. If you really, really want a donation, target the high
> level comrade, and type "/d" for donation. I'm sure he/she will give
> you one, and the silence that will result afterwards will be music to
> my ears.
>
> - All you newbies that really think your idle rants shouted throughout
> the faydark really go appreciated, come see me. Target me and press
> "A." I'll show you just how much the citizens of the faydark
> appreciate you.
>
>
> The guards of Kelethin are sick and tired of this garbage. Get your
> acts together, or your newbies die. Then again, that might actually be
> an interesting prospect...
>
> - Guard Fireblight
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
[Yahoo! Website Services- Click Here!]
Yahoo! Website Services- Click Here!
>
> Visit the EverQuest homepage at http://www.everquest.com
>
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
_________________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Get your free @... address at
http://mail.yahoo.com