Lady Golfer
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I
was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing
for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking
gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing
with men's balls."
Colleen Collins,
31, Ferndale, MI
Nuts about You
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy
behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm
just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically,
the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day,
my sister has never let me forget.
Faye Emerick, 34,
Ellerslie, MD
Strip Mall
My husband and I took our three kids out shoe shopping one day. We
were going from store to store, and the kids were getting restless.
At one crowded store, I was standing near a bench when my 3-year-old
climbed up on it, grabbed hold of my elastic-waist shorts, and jumped
off pulling both my shorts and my underwear to the floor. I raced out
of there, much to the delight of the appreciative onlookers.
Patricia Lamond-Stocksick,
35, Lathrop,CA
Curl Up and Die
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
???
Seguin, TX
Ho, Ho, Ho
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom
and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he
looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They
came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of
our Christmas cards.
Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing
hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared
at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son,
I had captured my reflection in the mirror - wearing nothing but a
camera!
Name Withheld
The following are the top four winners of a Most Embarrassing Moments
Contest in the "New Woman Magazine":
Na-na na-na na-nah!
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab
hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now"
she would would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma
that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the
tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my
dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last
thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson
Stafford, Virginia
Surprise!
It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home,
but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my
girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after
making love, we heard the telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to
my girlfriend that I give her a piggyback ride to the phone. Since we
didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed.
When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on
and a whole crowd of people yelled, "SURPRISE!" My entire
family:aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all my friends were
standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock
and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no
one in my family has planned a surprise party again.
Tim Cahill,
Poughkeepsie, New York
Priceless
One of the funniest "most-embarrassing-moment" stories I've come upon
in a long time was about a lady who picked up several items at a
discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned
that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment
when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store
to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE." That was
bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently
misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like
tone,a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU MEAN THE KIND YOU
PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
Mom's Advice
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was
squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She
went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and
whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite
itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He
was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He
did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at
the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him
sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you
to call your mom." she screamed. "I did," he said, "And she told me
that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up
from school."
Chris Vaught
.-~*~-._.-~*~-.Beverly.-~*~-._.-~*~-.
P.O. Box 15192
Sacramento, CA 95813
"Before we can break free from what binds us we must first realize we
are locked up".
http://www.beverlysbargains.com