Dear Mr/Mrs/Dr/Rev/Lord/Lady ZARBON sr/jr/I/II/III/IV/ad nauseum
BA/MA/PHD/SJ/OFM/OB/MD/CPA/DD
As a representative of "The Bossman" at EQ Slackers Inc., allow me to assure
you that we are doing everything we can to address the self-destruct issue.
At this time we have hired a consulting firm called "Verant Consulting" to
look at the problem, fix the problem where applicable, and/or recommend
implementation solutions as necessary.
Verant Consulting has delivered a preliminary report with the following
suggestions:
1) To make up for the ability of of some workers to have their pets tend to
the phone lines, it is recommended that you simply REMOVE all phone lines
from the building. And/or, make current phones no longer usable by workers,
and eliminate any useful information from being passed on through the pet,
via a "Filter Unwanted Call Knowledge Utility", also known as the
"F.U.C.K.-U.".
2) Make all office phones "NO DROP". This way, when a worker answers the
phone for the first time, NO ONE ELSE can answer that phone. A secondary
effect is that if the worker's pet answers the phone, the pet will not be
able to pass the phone back to the worker when said worker returns from
lunch/break. A tertiary effect is that one random item that the worker is
carrying will disappear upon attempting to retrieve the phone from the pet.
3) Another possible solution is to remove the "efficiency" effect that
comes along with a pet answering the phone for the worker. We do this by
making the pet unable to understand anyone that he/she talks to over the
phone. However, since this is likely to agitate some workers more than the
above suggestions, we will give more advanced pets the ability to understand
two languages. However, those pets will need to be given TWO phones to
accomplish this feat. It doesn't matter what kind of phones they are, and
in fact need not function at all. The problem lies in the fact that all
phones are soon to be implemented as LORE items, so we're thinking about
replacing the second phone with a hairbrush. (Note: EQ Slackers reminded
Verant Consulting that skeletons do not have hair. Verant Consulting
replied "We'll bring that up in Tuning.")
Furthermore, as lunches of all kinds are soon to be implemented as NO DROP
items, your question about self-destructing, lunch-gathering pets is a moot
issue.
We are attempting to address the "compensation" issue. Here is what "Verant
Consulting" has come up with:
1) Allow the most advanced pets to leave said gathered lunches on their
corpses upon destructing. To retrieve your lunch, simply cause your pet to
destruct. Loot the pet's corpse and retrieve your lunch. "Verant
Consulting" feels that this is more than enough compensation. EQ Slackers
Inc. made the comment "but the worker PAID FOR that lunch! You're not
compensating them in any way!" to which "Verant Consulting" responded "it
is a highly complicated issue of class balance that your simple mind
wouldn't be able to wrap itself around anyway. Therefore, no explanation is
required."
2) An alternative to #1 is to give the pet exactly 2 minutes to retrieve
the lunch. If the lunch has not been retrieved in 2 minutes, said pet will
self-destruct. EQ Slackers reminded "Verant Consulting" that the nearest
restaurant is 15 minutes away. "Verant Consulting" responded by saying: "If
you need 15 minutes to get to lunch, then you are approaching the whole
lunch issue from the wrong perspective. Suffice it to say that MANY workers
are completely capable of retrieving their lunch in less than 2 minutes, so
we feel that 2 minutes is MORE than enough time!" When pressed further on
this issue, Verant Consulting retorted "All right already!! This is what
we're going to do! We're going to make lunch a non-issue by making it less
nutritious! There! Now you happy?"
Lastly, please be advised that ALL of the above solutions will require
random item dropping from all worker's inventories.
Sincerly,
Mujahid, "That Guy"
> -----Original Message-----
> From: John Sanders [mailto:john.sanders@...]
> Sent: Friday, February 25, 2000 2:13 PM
> To: EQ_Necromancer@onelist.com
> Subject: [EQ_Necromancer] EQ Slackers Inc.
>
>
> From: "John Sanders" <john.sanders@...>
>
> Friday, February 25
>
> Boss Muller
> EQ Slackers Inc.
>
> Dear Mr. Muller,
>
> It has come to my attention that from now on our pets auto self
> destruct as
> we go to lunch. Please consider the following concerns before
> implementing
> this solution.
>
> 1) Many workers, including myself, tend to send our pets to pick
> up lunch as
> we continue to work. Will the auto destruct affect this?
>
> 2) Seeing as EQ Slackers Inc. doesn't compensate us for resources
> needed to
> summon pets, the amount of money taken from our pockets to
> continue working
> up to par will be increased. Does EQ Slackers Inc. intend to repay us in
> any shape, form or fashion?
>
> Thanks for your time and consideration to this matter.
>
> Zarbon
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Mark Muller <markm@...>
> To: <EQ_Necromancer@onelist.com>
> Sent: Friday, February 25, 2000 1:46 PM
> Subject: Re: [EQ_Necromancer] Mipmapping question
>
>
> > From: "Mark Muller" <markm@...>
> >
> > > ROFLMAO!!!!!!
> > >
> > > Metiphisto says Wow look at the number of calls.
> > >
> > > /pet help me
> > >
> > > "Helping with my life master"
> > >
> > > /pet help here
> > >
> > > "Helping here master"
> > >
> > > <target problem>
> > >
> > > /pet help
> > >
> > > Fixing problem Master
> > > <Problem is being fixed>
> > > <Problem is being fixed>
> > > <Problem is being fixed>
> > > Fixing problem Master
> >
> > It has come to our attention that some necromancers were parking their
> pets
> > at the phones then taking a long lunch. Thus from now on
> whenever you go
> to
> > lunch, your pet will self destruct.
> >
> >
> > ------------------------------------------------------------------------
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